THE KEY TO TRANSFORMATION IS MINDSET.
Go ahead and type, M-I-N-D-S-E-T into any search engine, and you are going to see results referring to your disposition, general mood, attitude, inclination or traits. When I speak about mindset I mean something all together different. I define mindset as the rote and unconscious constellation of bias, prejudice and prejudging that shape your everyday, thoughts, words, actions, habits, values and likely poor decisions pertaining to your health and wellbeing. If you want to permanently change your life, the journey must begin by understanding your current mindset as I have defined.
THREE KEY QUESTIONS:
How well do you know yourself?
Is your heart in the right place?
Are you ready, willing and able to get over yourself and move on?
These questions form the basis of three segments we teach clients. Before shifting mindset and diving into the transformation process, there has to be a certain level of accountability and self acceptance. Some books, courses, gurus and doctors try and overcomplicate this process. I think the simple revealing words of Mahatma Gandhi say it all.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”-Mahatma Gandhi
GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF.
Many people carry self limiting beliefs from the past into the present. “I am who I am”, “Old dogs can’t learn new tricks”, “I’m set in my ways”, “I’m not doing that poorly compared to so and so.” Sound familiar? Nearly everyone has this never ending self talk going on inside their heads. Given that, I’d like to propose an exercise and put those voices to work in a positive manner.
The next time you shower, I would like you to stand in front of a full length mirror in all your naked glory. What do you see? What do your feel? What do you think? Emotional narratives riddled with words like; shame, regret, guilt, remorse, anger and disappointment will likely fill your head. Physical observations may include descriptors such as, softer, heavier, balder or even hairier in all the wrong places may come up. Whatever it is you are telling yourself, I want you to understand it is the old you, telling you the same old story and you don’t need to listen any longer.
REFLECTION OF THE OLD YOU.
What I want you to see in that mirror, is a reflection of results from past bad decisions, shaped by your mindset as described above. No judging, no condemnation and certainly no need to give in to the temptation of feeling that you are without hope. Once you begin to learn the skillset of how to change, you can leave that mindset in the past where it belongs. Step one in rewiring your mindset and getting over yourself has begun. Grasp this concept in the present and you are well on your way towards shaping a new you in the future. Now you are getting to know yourself!
PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT.
If your heart and mind are all over the place, it is very likely your health, wellbeing and lifestyle will be all over the place as well. I spend a tremendous amount of time educating people on just what it means to give yourself the gift of being present. Anchoring to your past via emotions of guilt, regret, remorse are a complete waste of your time in the present. Projecting into the future, with the wasted emotions of fear, anxiety and worry negate your ability to stay in the present.
EMOTIONS SHOW US WHERE THE HEART IS.
Emotions give us good insight as to whether or not we are currently present for our life or if we are on subconscious autopilot. Emotions and feelings are by definition indicative of where our heart is. Why is this so important a point? Because right now, this very moment, is the working unit that defines your life. When you are present for your current life you are more likely to be aware and conscious of not only your mindset, but your “heartset” as well. A better mindset and heartset in the present, leads to a better you in that future mirror! Treat yourself like you would any good friend or family member. Let go of your old way of thinking about your mindset and heartset. Forgive, forget be empathetic and compassionate and then move on. If you want to achieve amazing results you need to put your heartset and mindset into the effort. Get present! Are you ready to move on?
HABITS, ADDICTIONS, MOURNING.
Ask anyone who has successfully quit smoking, gambling, drinking or any other addiction and you will hear language that sounds akin to someone going through the five stages of grief made famous by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book titled, On Death and Dying. Although commonly misconstrued as a linear grief cycle experienced in the wake of a loved ones death, the original intent was to describe emotions experienced by terminally ill diagnosed patients prior to death. While many have maligned the virtues brought to light in the Kubler-Ross Model, I find it to be an excellent overlay in teaching people how to transform their lives.
GOOD GRIEF.
I contend, you will experience the full categorical gamut of denial, anger, depression, bargaining and ultimately acceptance when you decide to get rid of the old you. However, it’s not only about you and your old behaviors. Social patterns are further denoted by the places you go and people you co-habituated with and they will also be mourned. While you haven’t been given a terminal diagnosis per se, many people suffer a self death. Some resist the basic concept of a new paradigm because they are addicted to that old self in the mirror. Sadly for all too many, this is a persona that has been wrongfully formed and defined by what I call others-esteem.
SELF-ESTEEM.
If you really want to transform the life you are currently experiencing you have got to be more into yourself. I know at first blush this sounds like a narcissistic and self centered way of looking at life. All I am asking of you is one thing. Please stop measuring your self-esteem by how successful you have been in seeking and securing approval from others. I want you to empower yourself with a renewed confidence in your ability to refocus your self-esteem back where it belongs. Knowing and accepting exactly who you are in the present, helps more clearly define who you want the future you to look like.
“Once you label me, you negate me.”
Soren Kierkegaard
GETTING OVER YOURSELF.
Not only should you stop letting others label you as defined by the old you and your old results from your past. Stop self-labeling yourself by your past and start emphasizing the potential of the new you. Are you wanting willing and able to start putting you first? Are you ready to leave old habits behind? Are you ready to leave old friends or family members behind who may not be supportive of your new mindset and lifestyle? Big questions that will no doubt provide very impactful answers and reshape your life as you know it. How do you know if you are ready for transformation?
ROCK BOTTOM.
Everyone has heard the story of a person hitting the proverbial rock bottom before finding enough motivation to finally get help and overcome a life defining bad habit or addiction. For many the bottom can be an elusive endpoint and sadly these folks typically succumb to whatever predilection that has been haunting them. While I am not saying every person possessing less than stellar health and wellbeing is on the brink of such a cataclysmic event, the number of people suffering with chronic diseases in our country is staggering. Certain people will need to get that poor diagnosis or be put on yet another medication before finding motivation. Others will suffer some sort of an acute event like a heart attack or stroke.
MOVING ON.
Ultimately we know factors such as timing, motivation and reasons to make meaningful changes to lifestyle all impact when someone is ready to embark down the path of change. While we recognize these factors as contributory to overall success, we know the singular and most important factor that guarantees success is teaching people how to transform. Some folks are ready now, while others are “still thinking” about making positive changes to their lifestyle at some point in the future. As per the seminal work by Dr’s James and Janice Prochaska, Changing to Thrive, we start by assessing your level of readiness as it pertains to our transformational programs. We then work on helping you put together the pro’s and con’s of changing verses not changing. We also factor in what we call the why’s of motivation, for example weight loss verses getting off blood pressure meds. Lastly we focus on effecting changes across all aspects of lifestyle that will ultimately lead to lasting transformation. I believe that everyone given the correct mindset and heartset for that matter can begin to see a different person starring back at them in that mirror. I kNOw you can do this, get over yourself already!